Need Some Suggestions

I have an application that is prone to sudden, unscheduled high bursts of
activity, and
I am finding that the application design permits me to detect the activity
bursts within
an existing function. The bursts only affect 3 tables, but degradation
becomes apparent
after 2,000 updates, and significant after 8,000 updates.

I already know that a plain vacuum (without full, analyze, or free options)
solves my
problem. Since vacuum is classified in the documentation as an SQL command,
I tried to
call it using a trigger function on one the tables (they all have roughly
the same insert
/ update rate). However, I just found out that vacuum cannot be called by a
function.
Vacuums done by a scheduler at 3AM in the morning are adequate to handle my
non-peak
needs otherwise.

autovacuum sounds like it would do the trick, but I am on a WINDOWS 2003
environment, but
I have Googled up messages that it still has various problems (in Windows)
which won't be
resolved until 8.1 is out. But I have a problem NOW, and the application is
deployed
around the world.

QUESTION:
  Is there anyway anyone knows of to permit me to execute an operating
system program
(even vacuumdb) or possibly to add a C function to the library which would
allow me to
do this (I am not a C programmer, but have access to some persons who are)?

Very important to me for performance reasons.

Does anybody have some suggestions on the best path for me to take?